Is it all worth it?

This past week has been a busy one.  Our seven month mark came and went.  Some days I have to remind myself where we are in this whole process.  Time seems to be flying. I keep us incredibly busy. I have told y'all before I am a type A personality.  I grab life.  I am a go-getter.  I am a doer.  Sitting back and waiting for something to happen just isn't in my psyche.

They say opposites attract.  My poor husband.  He just makes me laugh.  He told me this past weekend he knew I always had 10 balls in the air juggling when he married me, but he said he never knew it would get to be this much.  Every day lately it seems I have a new project for us.  We are both excited and thrilled to see all God is laying out before us, but I think he is just flat worn OUT.

We have been working on our T-shirt fundraising project for a couple weeks now.  My husband is the technical designer.  He is great with graphics design!  I have told him more than once I married him for his skills!  Of course I am kidding, but we do make a great team.  I can tell him what I am thinking, show him a couple pictures and he can whip a design for me in no time on the computer.

Seven months. My knees are raw today.

Today marks SEVEN months on the adoption active list!  That is 212 days!  It has been an awesome road so far.  We have discovered things about ourselves we never would have without this journey.  I have been able to do things I never dreamed possible before.  Our marriage, love for each other, and love for our God are stronger because of it.  We are thanking God for the hard road.  It will make the reward that much sweeter!

Some days are harder than others.  May I be so bold as to ask you to pray for us? Adoption is not easy.  It plays with your heart.  There is a lot of work that goes into it financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  Friends, if you would please remember our family and especially our birthmother in your prayers we would greatly appreciate it.  Please pray specifically for our birthmother's comfort and safety as well as for peace for us and for our financial resources to be ready when the time comes.   

God will reveal our child when His timing is perfect.  Until then we will continue to walk our adoption journey in His good and perfect will for our lives.  Your prayers support and sustain us.  My knees are raw today.  Thank you for your love and encouragement!  Thank you for joining us in growing our family.

A FRESH word to rejuvenate your soul

A fresh word...  I have been asking God for a fresh word from Him for the last week or so.  If more than a day or so goes by and I have not felt the almighty presence of our God directly in my life I get anxious. Where are you God?  Have you forgotten me?  I need you Lord.... I need to know you are with me at all times...

Adoption is a scary thing.  There are SO many unknowns.  Many, many people are involved and with countless variables it is impossible to control any part of the process.  For someone who is used to being in control of EVERYTHING it can be difficult and terrifying to let go.  Putting your life and your future all in so many different hands can be frightening.  

How can something so joyous be so sad?

It is holy week.  It is such a joyous and yet heavy time of year.  I have been reflecting on what it all means.  I have tried to wrap my mind around what it must have been like for Jesus these last few days anticipating the crucifixion.  He knew what was coming.  He knew each and every painful detail.  How terrifying it must have been to have each minute tick closer to a horrific death.  The literal weight of the world must have been on his sinless shoulders as he walked through the days of Passover.  The bible tells us Jesus actually sweat blood in anticipation of what was to come.  But he knew it must come to pass.  It would be the only way.  We are His portion and He is our prize...Oh how he loves us!

Love like that is almost unfathomable to me.  Our Savior's love is what Easter is all about.  It is truth lived out on earth.  It is the word coming to pass.  It is hundreds and hundreds of years of prophesy unfolding and coming to life so that you and I and all of future generations may live.  What an awesome God that would lay down his own blameless life for all of us.  

The Wait is OVER.

As hopeful adoptive parents we talk about waiting.  A lot.  After all the paper work has been filed, the home studies are complete, and the nursery is ready to go all there is really left is waiting.  We wait with hopeful hearts day in and day out that today might be THE day.  Our hearts do a little flutter when the phone rings with an unfamiliar number.  We celebrate gotcha days with our fellow adoptive parents all the while waiting.  Waiting. Waiting.  Waiting.......

The last few weeks have shaken me up in my waiting state.  I have recently been reminded of something I have known all along.  I have been all consumed in the adoption journey and I am changing my perspective.  I have an announcement:  My friends I will no longer be waiting.  

Is Adoption Brain Real??

My pregnant friends tell me "baby brain" is a very real thing.  I am always hearing crazy things they have done or forgotten to do like only shaving ONE leg.  A friend finding the remote in the fridge was particularly hilarious.  So my question is:  Does "adoption brain" exist??  I am fairly certain I have it!!  If it's not a real thing, I think I may have lost my mind y'all!  

We have been feverishly working on all things baby recently.  It just seems to pass the time.What in the world did we ever do before all this adoption "stuff"??  It seems as though it's always been here.  I would like to know what I did with all my time before paperwork, nursery painting/sewing/planning, and fundraising!!  It seriously has consumed me the last few weeks.  

Anyways, back to the part where I am fairly certain I have lost my mind....last week I realized there was one day I did not brush my teeth until late in the afternoon (ew!  Y'all I work in a dental office.  This is major!!)  Thank goodness this was my day off.

Secondly, the next day I came home after a long day at work and kicked my shoes off only to notice I had one sock on turned inside out.  I am OCD about stuff like this.  It troubled me for hours I had worn my sock wrong side out.

Third, and probably most troubling is the fact that I may or may NOT have rolled through a red light when turning right WITH a police officer right behind me.  I say may or may not simply because I cannot remember...I knew the officer was behind me on my way to work.  I carefully watched my speed as I naturally have a lead foot.  However, my mind must have drifted because after making a right hand turn I snapped back to reality and thought, "OH MY GOSH!  I think I ran that red light!!"  

I debated with myself the rest of the way to work if I had bothered to come to a complete stop.  Apparently, the cop had better things to do that day because he never pulled my over.  Thank goodness because I feel certain the topic of adoption brain would have been my defense.  I can see a picture of my ticket on facebook now...  #ipromiseofficeradoptionbrainisveryreal #hedidntbuyit

Do y'all have this phenomenon??  Please tell me I am not the only one!  I would love to hear your stories.  

Would you google your questions to God?

I have grown so accustomed to the internet answering my questions for me sometimes I wish I could google questions of my heart to God.  Strange I know.  Wouldn't it be nice though?  With a click of a mouse or the quick flick of the enter key my question would be in cue to be answered.  Probably a sad result of me being a product of our instant gratification society.  

Nonetheless, my questions linger and my heart longs for answers.  How much longer will we wait?  Did I include the right stuff in our profile book?  Wonder why the first seven showings were a no?  What didn't they like?  I could go on and on.  I ask God and myself these questions and so many more when I allow my mind to drift.  I ask and I know my God hears me.  The bible tells us God hears every prayer uttered.  He even hears our heart when we can't even muster the thoughts to pray.  Psalms 66:19-20 tells us But certainly God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.  Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer, Nor his lovingkindness from me.  My heart knows He's never far, but sometimes it feels like He is so far away.