Is it all worth it?

This past week has been a busy one.  Our seven month mark came and went.  Some days I have to remind myself where we are in this whole process.  Time seems to be flying. I keep us incredibly busy. I have told y'all before I am a type A personality.  I grab life.  I am a go-getter.  I am a doer.  Sitting back and waiting for something to happen just isn't in my psyche.

They say opposites attract.  My poor husband.  He just makes me laugh.  He told me this past weekend he knew I always had 10 balls in the air juggling when he married me, but he said he never knew it would get to be this much.  Every day lately it seems I have a new project for us.  We are both excited and thrilled to see all God is laying out before us, but I think he is just flat worn OUT.

We have been working on our T-shirt fundraising project for a couple weeks now.  My husband is the technical designer.  He is great with graphics design!  I have told him more than once I married him for his skills!  Of course I am kidding, but we do make a great team.  I can tell him what I am thinking, show him a couple pictures and he can whip a design for me in no time on the computer.

Seven months. My knees are raw today.

Today marks SEVEN months on the adoption active list!  That is 212 days!  It has been an awesome road so far.  We have discovered things about ourselves we never would have without this journey.  I have been able to do things I never dreamed possible before.  Our marriage, love for each other, and love for our God are stronger because of it.  We are thanking God for the hard road.  It will make the reward that much sweeter!

Some days are harder than others.  May I be so bold as to ask you to pray for us? Adoption is not easy.  It plays with your heart.  There is a lot of work that goes into it financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  Friends, if you would please remember our family and especially our birthmother in your prayers we would greatly appreciate it.  Please pray specifically for our birthmother's comfort and safety as well as for peace for us and for our financial resources to be ready when the time comes.   

God will reveal our child when His timing is perfect.  Until then we will continue to walk our adoption journey in His good and perfect will for our lives.  Your prayers support and sustain us.  My knees are raw today.  Thank you for your love and encouragement!  Thank you for joining us in growing our family.

A FRESH word to rejuvenate your soul

A fresh word...  I have been asking God for a fresh word from Him for the last week or so.  If more than a day or so goes by and I have not felt the almighty presence of our God directly in my life I get anxious. Where are you God?  Have you forgotten me?  I need you Lord.... I need to know you are with me at all times...

Adoption is a scary thing.  There are SO many unknowns.  Many, many people are involved and with countless variables it is impossible to control any part of the process.  For someone who is used to being in control of EVERYTHING it can be difficult and terrifying to let go.  Putting your life and your future all in so many different hands can be frightening.  

How can something so joyous be so sad?

It is holy week.  It is such a joyous and yet heavy time of year.  I have been reflecting on what it all means.  I have tried to wrap my mind around what it must have been like for Jesus these last few days anticipating the crucifixion.  He knew what was coming.  He knew each and every painful detail.  How terrifying it must have been to have each minute tick closer to a horrific death.  The literal weight of the world must have been on his sinless shoulders as he walked through the days of Passover.  The bible tells us Jesus actually sweat blood in anticipation of what was to come.  But he knew it must come to pass.  It would be the only way.  We are His portion and He is our prize...Oh how he loves us!

Love like that is almost unfathomable to me.  Our Savior's love is what Easter is all about.  It is truth lived out on earth.  It is the word coming to pass.  It is hundreds and hundreds of years of prophesy unfolding and coming to life so that you and I and all of future generations may live.  What an awesome God that would lay down his own blameless life for all of us.  

The Wait is OVER.

As hopeful adoptive parents we talk about waiting.  A lot.  After all the paper work has been filed, the home studies are complete, and the nursery is ready to go all there is really left is waiting.  We wait with hopeful hearts day in and day out that today might be THE day.  Our hearts do a little flutter when the phone rings with an unfamiliar number.  We celebrate gotcha days with our fellow adoptive parents all the while waiting.  Waiting. Waiting.  Waiting.......

The last few weeks have shaken me up in my waiting state.  I have recently been reminded of something I have known all along.  I have been all consumed in the adoption journey and I am changing my perspective.  I have an announcement:  My friends I will no longer be waiting.  

Is Adoption Brain Real??

My pregnant friends tell me "baby brain" is a very real thing.  I am always hearing crazy things they have done or forgotten to do like only shaving ONE leg.  A friend finding the remote in the fridge was particularly hilarious.  So my question is:  Does "adoption brain" exist??  I am fairly certain I have it!!  If it's not a real thing, I think I may have lost my mind y'all!  

We have been feverishly working on all things baby recently.  It just seems to pass the time.What in the world did we ever do before all this adoption "stuff"??  It seems as though it's always been here.  I would like to know what I did with all my time before paperwork, nursery painting/sewing/planning, and fundraising!!  It seriously has consumed me the last few weeks.  

Anyways, back to the part where I am fairly certain I have lost my mind....last week I realized there was one day I did not brush my teeth until late in the afternoon (ew!  Y'all I work in a dental office.  This is major!!)  Thank goodness this was my day off.

Secondly, the next day I came home after a long day at work and kicked my shoes off only to notice I had one sock on turned inside out.  I am OCD about stuff like this.  It troubled me for hours I had worn my sock wrong side out.

Third, and probably most troubling is the fact that I may or may NOT have rolled through a red light when turning right WITH a police officer right behind me.  I say may or may not simply because I cannot remember...I knew the officer was behind me on my way to work.  I carefully watched my speed as I naturally have a lead foot.  However, my mind must have drifted because after making a right hand turn I snapped back to reality and thought, "OH MY GOSH!  I think I ran that red light!!"  

I debated with myself the rest of the way to work if I had bothered to come to a complete stop.  Apparently, the cop had better things to do that day because he never pulled my over.  Thank goodness because I feel certain the topic of adoption brain would have been my defense.  I can see a picture of my ticket on facebook now...  #ipromiseofficeradoptionbrainisveryreal #hedidntbuyit

Do y'all have this phenomenon??  Please tell me I am not the only one!  I would love to hear your stories.  

Would you google your questions to God?

I have grown so accustomed to the internet answering my questions for me sometimes I wish I could google questions of my heart to God.  Strange I know.  Wouldn't it be nice though?  With a click of a mouse or the quick flick of the enter key my question would be in cue to be answered.  Probably a sad result of me being a product of our instant gratification society.  

Nonetheless, my questions linger and my heart longs for answers.  How much longer will we wait?  Did I include the right stuff in our profile book?  Wonder why the first seven showings were a no?  What didn't they like?  I could go on and on.  I ask God and myself these questions and so many more when I allow my mind to drift.  I ask and I know my God hears me.  The bible tells us God hears every prayer uttered.  He even hears our heart when we can't even muster the thoughts to pray.  Psalms 66:19-20 tells us But certainly God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.  Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer, Nor his lovingkindness from me.  My heart knows He's never far, but sometimes it feels like He is so far away.

How do you handle an attack on your adoption?

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Romans 12:18

I am not responsible for how someone treats me, but I will be held accountable for how I treat them.  I try to remind myself of this when I am confronted with the choice to walk away or engage in an argument.  This past week I was tested in this area.

We have been working HARD towards the adoption.  We have been making things for the nursery and keeping ourselves busy with fundraising endeavors.  A great deal of my time has been spent blogging about our adoption lately.  My blog posts are without a doubt God inspired.  The nudging of the Holy Spirit has led me in my writing as of late.  I have committed myself to tuning in to what the Spirit would have me share and letting Him lead me in my posts.  I have discovered that the more I turn my ear to my Father the more fulfilled and satisfied my heart is.

The enemy has certainly not let this go unnoticed.  Adoption is a sensitive subject for me.  I have been open in my writing about my thoughts, emotions, and feelings.  I have put far more down on paper than I probably ever could have said face to face to an audience.  This has left me transparent and vulnerable.  The enemy certainly knows where my self doubt, insecurities, and fear are.  I have been hit hard the last few days.  My motives were questioned and my values were put under scrutiny.    

My Top 10 Reasons I Heart Adoption

Adoption is awesome!  I love it!  It is exciting!  It creates forever families!  Since we are paper pregnant I could probably name 100 reasons I love adoption, but here are my top 10.  

1. Love!  God is love.  We love because God first loved us. {1 John 4:19} We are called as Christians to love one another.  The bible says in Mark that the greatest commandment we have is to love God and love one another.  Pretty important stuff!  I cannot think of a more special way to show love than to adopt a child into your home.  We have so much love in our marriage and seriously can NOT wait to show our children what it means to love and be loved.

2. Hope!  Adoption is all about hope.  It gives parents hope to raise a family who might not otherwise have the opportunity.  It gives a child in need a hope to have a forever family.  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future!  {Jeremiah 29:11}  God promises to give us hope in life and after!  He gives us a hope for eternal life through salvation.  That is the most glorious hope of all my friend.  

3. To live out God's word!  Adoption is nothing new to God.  It was His idea from the beginning.  Think about it.  Jesus was adopted by Joseph!  How amazing!!  Our loving Father wants to adopt us into His holy Kingdom.  He sacrificed His Son as the only perfect way to provide a way for us to be his children forever.  Adoption is mentioned in the new Testament six times.  Each time the term is used in relation to Jesus redeeming our relationship with our Heavenly Father so that we can be in His family.  So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.  Instead, you received God's Spirit when He adopted you as his own children.  Now we call Him "Abba, Father". {Romans 8:15}  Choosing to bring a child home through adoption and loving that child unconditionally allows us to experience how God loves us and makes us His family!

4. We are are to be God's hands and feet.  "Christ has no body on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out; yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good; and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now." ~Saint Teresa of Avila  God put us on earth to be a door for His love to walk through!  James tells us we are to care for orphans and widows.  How else but to welcome them into your home and family forever??  Oh to bring that sweet, sweet baby home!  I know we are commanded to bless others by serving them, but when I lay that baby down to sleep in their own bed for the first time I know I will be the one who is being blessed.  What an awesome way to think of ourselves when we say we are God's hands and feet!!  I don't know about you, but I am excited to do God's work.    

5. One less orphan!  Can you imagine my friend, not having a family?  Growing up knowing someone loves you, longs for your very presence, and provides you with a safe place to live are some of our greatest gifts.  Knowing there are babies and children in the world who are abandoned and hungry makes my heart hurt.  Seeing precious babies in orphanages not knowing love, never experiencing a mother's loving touch, knowing they have to soothe themselves to sleep each night is heartbreaking.  One less my friend.  One LESS orphan.  One less baby who needs a mama's whisper of a promise to never leave them is what I want to make happen!  When I adopt my baby there will be ONE less.