Thursday, June 12, 2014

I felt like letting go, giving up, and just moving on.

Since we began this process over a year ago there has been one scripture that has been our guiding light.  God has used it to reaffirm so many situations and circumstances.  It has brought comfort, healing, and hope.  There have been so many times where I feel like letting go, giving up, and just moving on.
Time and again this scripture from Hebrews has been my beacon in the dark.  It brings me such peace knowing we are walking in God's will by holding firmly to His word.

The scripture is Hebrews 6:19.  We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul.  A Hope both sure and steadfast.

When we first heard the news we would not be able to have children my soul was crushed.  Dreams that I had carried for decades were obliterated with just a few blood tests and harsh words from a doctor.  My soul certainly did not feel anchored in the days that followed.  I did not have much hope.  I wondered what my life would even be like childless.  I felt like I had lost my babies forever.  I never lost my faith, but it took time to regain my focus.  During those painful days of grieving my life felt like it was spinning out of control.  Those days seemed impossible to get through.

Now looking back I can see God was sure.  He was steadfast.  He was waiting, holding me, catching each tear drop in his mighty, tender hand.  He was letting me grieve the loss of what would not be His perfect will for my life.  He waited patiently and when the time was right He alone gave me a new hope.  Slowly I began to realize more and more I was anchored to my Father during these days.  I was never spinning out of control like I thought.  He had me close to his heart the whole time.

A new hope was presented through adoption.  Adoption would become a new dream.  I had to let go of the life I had pictured to live the life that was meant to be.  As I look back I realize I had to be forced to let go of what I thought was good, in order to grab hold of something BETTER.

I never knew there was an entire new world waiting for us when we began pursuing adoption.  God opened doors, introduced us to new friends, and has led us every step of the way.  He has confirmed decisions and moved mountains to get us where we are today.  As hard as the wait has been I know He is doing a great work in me daily.  If I had not had to wait this long, He would not have had the time to change my heart as much as He has.  My viewpoint has changed on many matters related to adoption.  The eyes of my heart have been opened to the hurt of orphans.  It's all happened in His perfect time.

Hebrews 6:19 has been woven through our life the last year.  Hope has been an anchor for my soul.  I have trusted God and tried daily to walk by faith.  My hope has been firmly secured in our Savior not in circumstances or people.  Hope has allowed me to grieve yet heal.  It has kept me afloat through the fiercest of storms.  It has given me joy even when the days have been dark.  Hope has kept me focused on my Father.  It has permanently anchored me to Jesus through this battle.

I once read that a ship in turbulent waters needs to drop anchor in a safe place.  In stormy weather a large ship may be unable to enter the harbor because of the violent waves tossing it to and fro.  A smaller ship is often used to carry the anchor past the breakers into the harbor to secure the larger boat.  Even though the large boat remains in the tumultuous waters it is secured by the anchor.  This is a picture of how our hope keeps our soul sure and steadfast in the midst of the strongest storm.  I love the picture I have of being focused on my God above the rain and wind.  I am securely anchored to Him so that no wave is too big to take me under.

I am so grateful God gives us His word to hold fast to.  I love this scripture.  We loved it so much we chose to put it on the back cover of our profile book presented to birth families.  I hope they might read it and hold tightly to it as well!

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